We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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