So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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