he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
even my farts smell like vagina
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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