She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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