I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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