Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
