Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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