Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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