Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Randomize
