Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
