how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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