so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
