That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
