things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
