I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
