She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
