She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
