i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize