its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
