I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
