There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
