I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
