he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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