I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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