I'm jealous of your bromance
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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