party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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