I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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