if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
