Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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