You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
