I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
