Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
