tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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