Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
bring money and cleavage
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
