JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My penis needs a shock collar
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
