I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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