Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
