party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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