Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he was CRYING into my vagina
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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