I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
