i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
