His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
