and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
