i think my mom watched the whole time
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
