So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
