We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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