everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
