watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
