Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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