OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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