i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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