I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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