Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
