Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
id be glad to
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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