She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i came on her dog
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
