how can u be prego again
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
